He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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