No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
