Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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