we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
