Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
