people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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