she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
