My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
