why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
