My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
