You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
