I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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