White coat. Heels.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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