So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
