imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
