apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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