im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
