I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
