happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
