just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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