My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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