I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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