Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
