don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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