um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How does it feel to date your dad?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
