I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
