if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
