I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
