Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
