How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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