This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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