were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
