i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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