What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
