Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
