Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
