I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
