girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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