just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
