I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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