She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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