If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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