I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
