it hurts more in the daytime
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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