My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize