Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
