I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
