Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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