If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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