My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
