Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
