Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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