I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
he puts the penis in happiness.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
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