$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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