honey bunches of taint.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
