Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
