Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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