so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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