I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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