Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
