the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
