If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
