My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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