I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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