can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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