you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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