At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
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