don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
