could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dicks are not precious.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
