i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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