if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She tied me up with her honor cords...
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
