New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
