I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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