At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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