Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
