do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
