oh god the rape fog is back!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
